List of ingredients
White fish. (cod or some shit... like, 2 pounds)
Shrimp (big fuckers)
fennel (what? one of those)
2 fuckin onions (dont go crazy)
A shit ton of garlic (8 cloves-ish)
Celery (two sticks of that shit)
olive oil (enough for the onion and all that crap)
Tomato paste (is good)
Peeled tomatoes (A can should do... a biggun)
crushed red pepper (be a man or dont... your call)
white wine (save enough to get smashed)
salt and pepper
fish stock (8 cups)
one orange, juiced and take a few strips of orange skin.
saffron (costs a lot)
okay. listen... this is simple shit. does your fish have skin? get rid of it. that is gonna be gross in soup. you should know this. take your fish fillets and cut them into nice sized chunks. i leave this to your discretion. same with the shrimp. cut those up and put it all together and put it to the side. add some salt and pepper too. dont go nuts. fish is kinda salty on its own.
next start chopping up your onion. just slice it. dont get too fancy, this shit is going to cook down so it can be on the big side as long as the slices are sorta thin. celery should be cut real fancy because you want to impress people with how good you can cut celery. 2 of those cut real nice should make people say "wow... this guy can cut celery". you'll be so cool. now smash and mince your garlic. everyone loves garlic so dont be shy. 8 cloves seems like a lot but dont be scared. i'm here for you.
now youre going to take all this garbage and throw it into a big ass pot with some oil. a couple table spoons worth. heat the oil first. is it in? good. stir it around on a low heat for about 8 minutes, till the stuff gets soft.
is that crap soft yet? sure it is, add that white wine. half a a cup. drink some too. it feels good. some tomato paste is due now. 2 table spoons or so. take all that fish stock and dump it in there. throw some of those tomatoes in there for the hell of it. Not all of it, just some... the orange peel and orange juice go in too along with the saffron and the smashed chili flakes. i should say that you need to smash your chili flakes. use a mortar and pestle if you have one. if you dont have one get the fuck out of the kitchen and go to mcdonalds you charlatan.
let this simmer for 45 minutes or so. keep your other shit handy cause its going in there, dont you worry. and dont you dare cover this... it needs to cook down.
so 45 minutes goes by and youre bored and youre saying to yourself.... "what the hell else can i throw in here?" well how about that fuckin fennel and all those tomatoes? forgot about that didnt you? well i sure as shit didnt and thats why this soup is so fucking bomb.
but yeah... dump that in.
let that cook for 20 or so till that fennel gets tender. how do you know when fennel is tender? i dont know either but needless to say it takes about 20 minutes on medium heat alright?
we've waited 20 minutes and we are thinking to ourselves... "what the hell else can i dump in this pot to make it taste real fine?" do you remember all that fish and shrimp you cut up earlier? I didnt make you do that for no reason. I'm not that big of an asshole. DUMP IT IN THERE!!!!!
hell yeah.
Now let that cook for maybe 10 minutes. you know... till its cooked.
you know what this shit needs? fuckin croutons.
French bread. you got it and dont tell me you dont.
cut it
garlic it
salt it
oven.
if i have to tell you how to cook a crouton you should maybe try a hungry man dinner. they take a few minutes in the microwave and will most likely suit your pedestrian tastes. (side note, i like the meatloaf ones...)
so you got croutons, you got some done ass soup. this shit is ready to go. Chop up some fresh parsley from your window box herb garden. (what?) throw it on the top of the soup that you ladle into a nice white bowl in your country farm house. throw a crouton on there and put it down on a 200 year old oak table with gingham place settings. if you dont have any of these things play to stock market and get them. youre done. youve made it. kiss your wife.
good ass soup? yeah. it is. YOURE WELCOME.
Hoss Da Booty Fillah
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